‘What I
ended up with was a sense of lethargy, and before I knew it, I felt covered by
a thin film of, something I’ve since dubbed runner’s blues…. I lost the
enthusiasm I’d always had for the act of running itself. Fatigue was a factor,
but that wasn’t as clear as before’- Haruki Murakami, What
I talk about when I talk about Running.
I haven’t
really been running properly since I did the Abingdon
Marathon in October and I cannot seem to shake this feeling of being
indecisive about whether I run or not. That is why I began this blog with a
quote from Murakami, as he so effortlessly describes the feeling a runner has
after their own accomplishment. Admittedly Murakami was talking about 62
mile race, and I am talking about a marathon, but I genuinely believe all
running achievements are relative to the person doing them (be it a Parkun or
the Barkley marathon). I think part of
it was down to simply having a slight burnout from running solidly from June to
the end of October, something that I realised I have never done before. Another
reason is that I have lost that feeling from running, which tends to come with a successful marathon
training cycle, which is primarily that of progress. What I mean by that is you
feel like you are improving second by second, minute by minute, race by race or
mile by mile during your training. It can be ordinary moments as well; like
running for the bus or up the stairs and finding that it is reassuringly easy.
All those tiny moments make me think how great running is and after Abingdon I
felt like I had lost that.
Indeed I was
completely surprised by my result at Abingdon and in some ways achieved the goal
of this blog,
which was to run a marathon in under three hours. I am still immensely proud of the time I
achieved at Abingdon, but I am worried that it could be a one-off event and in
some ways it feels like a distant memory. I mean this specifically to the training
that I was doing and my worries about getting injured in the build up to
London. I suppose I just made the assumption that I could just make under three
hours or just over it at Abingdon, and then have another go at London. In that
sense it has made me re-evaluate what I want from running, but at the same time
I feel quite lost about it.
‘Perhaps all
these various factors had combined into a mysterious cocktail inside me. As the
person involved in this, it’s hard for me to analyse it objectively. Whatever
it was, runner’s blues was my name for it’- Murakami.
I realise
how lucky I am to be able to be able to run London next year and also have the
option to run London in 2018 as well. I just want to be sure I approach it in
the right way. One of the most common pitfalls I have seen, partially
experienced and heard about is runners setting unrealistic running goals; then
not enjoying their marathon because they didn’t achieve their goal, despite
running well. I don’t want to do this at London. I remember how amazing the
Brighton Marathon in 2014 was, where I didn’t have any goals and it was simply
to enjoy the city and the marathon for what they were. In marathon timescales, London is looming in
around five months’ time. For most people that may seem like a long time; but
to properly build your base and then once you have done that to train hard for
two to three months, it is actually a relatively short period of time. In this
context I will just have to see how I feel at the beginning of January and take
it from there.
More than
anything I just want to get back to enjoying running. Believe it or not, the
time I got at Abingdon was just a by-product of an amazing training cycle and
being very grateful to be able to run long-distance races after an injury.
So that is
where I will start with my running, with the patience that I employed when I
had my injury. Building back up slowly, but surely. For now I will not be
thinking about what personal bests I want to aim for, what races I need to tackle
before London and what paces I should be targeting for my training. It will
just be about putting one foot in front of the other.
‘Now I feel
like I ‘m finally getting away from the runner’s blues fog that’s surrounded me
for so long. Not that I’ve completely rid myself of it, but I can sense
something beginning to stir…as I lace up my running shoes, I can catch a faint
sign of something in the air, and within me’- Murakami.
